Episode 34: The Power of Gaming: Richard Jacobs on Community, Competition, and Personal Empowerment

Episode 34 Show Notes

Richard Jacobs is a dedicated gamer and member of the esports team QuadGods. He discusses his journey of resilience, the pivotal role gaming plays in his life, and the misconceptions he faces as a disabled individual.

Richard shares about the power of community and how his streaming “family” has allowed him to harness his competitive spirit and embrace his emotions. 

Connect with Richard Jacobs on Instagram and the QuadGods website.

Be sure to visit ES Gaming!

Transcript

Lily Newton: Hey, listeners. Welcome to another episode of Everything You Know About Disability is Wrong. Today on the podcast, we have Richard Jacobs.

Erin Hawley: Richard Jacobs, banner tag, dread winner, 10 07, has been gaining since he could hold a controller. He's a member of The Quad Gods, an esports team comprised of players with quadriplegia. The team is featured in the documentary, Pawdads, which you can watch on HBO Max today.

Lily Newton: Welcome to the show. We are so excited to have you.

Richard Jacobs: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Lily Newton: Before we here. Oh, we're happy to have you. Before we get into our main questions, let's go ahead and do our audio descriptions, where we just describe what we look like for our, low vision or blind listeners. I'll start. This is Lily speaking. I am a white passing Indian woman. I have half blonde, half black hair split down the middle, and I'm wearing a black turtleneck and the necklace that I wear in every episode that I will fidget with for most of the conversation. And I will pass it to Erin.

Erin Hawley: Hi. I'm Erin. I'm a white woman with red hair, but my hair looks brown in this video, and in a bedroom sitting in my wheelchair. So I'll pass it to Richard.

Richard Jacobs: Okay. How are you doing? My name is Richard Jacobs. I'm a black man with, I would say, long dreadlocks, and, and I'm in a power wheelchair. I'm a quadriplegic.

Lily Newton: Awesome. Well, we're so excited to have you on the show. Erin, take it away. Let's get into it.

Erin Hawley: So our show is called Everything You Know About Disability Is Wrong. And the first question we always ask our guests is, what do people get wrong about you?

Richard Jacobs: When I when when I think about that, I think about what do people get wrong about me the most? I would think that it's the fact that they might think that I'm fragile because I'm in a chair. So because of the fact that I'm in a chair, a lot of times when people deal with me, they deal with me as if, you know, they they have to deal just like they're dealing with a baby or something like that, which, you know, I'm nothing like that at all. Like, I'm I'm I'm I'm a fully grown man. I'm more than willing and capable to handle things on my own if I need to. So, you know, it's even though I could kinda understand, you know, them wanting to be delicate with somebody that they feel might be, you know, in a certain position. But at the same time, to me, it's a little annoying because, you know, I don't I don't need the it's almost like type of pity type of that's I I don't I don't need that. I would I would rather, you know, them let me just move along how I need to, and then then when I need the help, I would just ask.

Erin Hawley: Totally. That's, very relatable. Yeah. And, like, people think just because you use a chair that you need help with everything or you can't do certain things. You're, like, you're afraid to even shake your hand. Exactly. Like, I'm not I'm not that fragile

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. At all. Exactly. You understand. Yeah. Definitely.

Lily Newton: Yeah. We've talked about, like, that idea of infantilization a lot and that, like, role of or the ableism in that, but I don't think we've ever specifically used the word fragile before. And I do think that that is, like, a perfect word where you can tell that someone's, like, worrying about you, and it's not a good feeling.

Richard Jacobs: It's almost like they you and sometimes, you know, they try to be subtle about it. But at the same time, you could still, you know, you could still feel the energy of somebody that they just feel like if they bump into you a little bit too hard, they might break you. Like, I'm okay. Like, I used to do a lot of wrestling when I was a young kid. Like, I wrestle with my brothers all the time. I'm I'm I'm tougher than you might think.

Lily Newton: Yeah. And I like that you also brought up the like, when I need help, I'll ask for it. I think that is such a important thing. I I was ranting on my Instagram stories last night, actually, because I was on a plane and witnessed some just that exact kind of ableism where one of my seatmates was a blind man, and he he needed help with one thing.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah.

Lily Newton: And suddenly, everyone was, like, grabbing his bags and touching him and trying to move him. And he was like, hey. I'm I'm good. Yeah. You're good.

Richard Jacobs: It get overwhelming.

Lily Newton: And I literally, like, stopped. I was like, please stop touching him. And we, like, had a moment where we, like, just were keiki about how annoying everyday ableism is. And on my stories, it was just like, hey. That's like a very basic rule you learn as a child. Don't touch people if they didn't ask. And for some reason, people don't apply that to people with disabilities.

Richard Jacobs: It's like like I say, it's it's crazy because it's a it's a line you gotta see in the middle. Right? Like, you you could understand why they're trying to help. It's like they're trying to do a a good thing. They wanna be helpful to you. But at the same time, by you trying to be so helpful, you actually, at the same time, encroaching on the person's space. Like, you have no idea if the person wants you getting that close. They might have a phobia of people being so close to them. Like, you might be causing more harm than you are trying to help.

Richard Jacobs: So just just take the time to ask. Do you need help? If the person say, no. Yes. They need help to help them. If not, then okay.

Lily Newton: That's a really good point of that. Like, if you I think some people are like, well, I didn't wanna not help just in case they were afraid to ask for help. And it's like, well, you can initiate. You can say, hey. Do you need help? And then listen to the answer.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. It's not wrote that at all.

Lily Newton: Yeah. I think that's a great intro to this and, just one of the best parts of this podcast that just like being able to easily relate to things that not everyone can relate to. And I think that's also what's so awesome about the quad god story. Aaron and I both watched the film. It's awesome. Listeners, you gotta list you you gotta watch it. It's on Max right now. I'd love to hear a little bit more about just that origin story.

Lily Newton: And for our listeners who haven't seen the film, how did you all find each other, and what was that like for you?

Richard Jacobs: So we all we all actually met up at different times, different points, different places. Like, some of us met at there's this, it's almost like a a gym or social gathering spot. It's called the Access Project, where they basically they do a lot of things, to be honest with you. They do counseling and, you know, physical therapy for people stretching them out, stuff like that. It's a social space where you can go to and do workouts and stuff like that. So some people met over there. And, I met a couple of the guys down in Mount Sinai, where I went over there for this group called Transitions Group, where they help you, you know, basically transition from being an inpatient back into the community, going into outpatient, and, basically living independently. So that's where, you know, a lot of us met up at, like, those different places.

There was for me, personally, when I was at one of the transitions groups, I was there with this doctor named, doctor Riccobono. Her name is Angela. And, she is the psychologist that run the group, and she was, telling me about, you know, these guys that's getting together. They're trying to, you know, get this group started, and she think that I would be a good fit for it. So she brought me downstairs to the ARC, downstairs where doctor Petruno work at. So when we got down there and the door opened, I saw the guy sitting inside, and I noticed that a lot of their faces was familiar. I knew a couple of them. So for me, that made it a little bit more easy to, you know, be welcomed into the room even though I I didn't have no no feeling that I wouldn't be welcomed, but it was just a little it was just a little better once once I, once the door opened up like that.

Erin Hawley: I know in the film

Richard Jacobs: Is that, like, too much?

Erin Hawley: No. Or

Richard Jacobs: should I it's better? Okay. Okay.

Erin Hawley: I know in the film that you all connected at Mount Sinai. Can you share that that as well?

Richard Jacobs: What about how we share that say that again one more time.

Erin Hawley: Mount Mount Sinai Yeah. Hospital. Is that where you live in it as well? I know in the film, it shows you, like, going there to

Richard Jacobs: meet up with the Yeah. Yeah. So I think if if if I'm right, in in the film, when you're talking about might be referencing to the scene where it said 2018 when we right in the bottom. Yeah. So that was a little after when we first met, when we first in in the like, initially, when we first got down, it was the situation where I was just telling you about beating up downstairs, down in the ark. So when we got down there and I saw the guys, and then they told me about what was going on. Probably, like, I would say, maybe the next time that we met up, probably was, like, the following week is when I was down there and the crew the there was a film crew down there with them. I'm not initially sure, you know, why the film crew was there because I think they might have been there for a different reason and then, you know, just it all just worked together once they found out what we was down there trying to do and what we was getting started.

So as as, you know, they found out what we was getting started, they wanted to, you know, I guess, be able to film the journey along the way, and that's how everything got started. And with my my boy named Chris, unfortunately, the one that, passed away that you saw in the film. He it was initially his idea, to be honest with you. He was talking to, doctor Petruno about it. And as, you know, the idea started to get up and running, unfortunately, he, passed away. But, you know, that's the reason why if you look at our logo, the red wings on the logo is to represent him.

Lily Newton: That's such an incredible way and what a legacy he's left. I thought, one of the lines that stuck out to me in the film is someone says that when you were all in that room together, there was this, like, immediate sense of acceptance. And I love knowing that it was all kind of Chris's idea from the beginning, because it feels like, it feels in the film that he's still very like present within this group, even though he's passed at this point. Like, you can tell that the spirit he left and the legacy he left is still very much a part of your group.

Richard Jacobs: Definitely. Definitely is.

Every time that's that's like I said, that's why we put the the wings on Jersey because every time we wear the jersey, he's with us just like it's the logo on the sweater right now.

Lily Newton: Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: See? So he's with me every time I got it on. I'm always with it.

Lily Newton: Thanks for being willing to talk about that. I know it's always hard to talk about a friend who's passed, but I think it's for especially for Chris, his legacy is just really impactful. And, that sense of acceptance, I think that what what y'all are doing with Quad Gods is such a, can be, you know, we, we hesitate to use the word inspiration because it gets thrown around at disabled people a lot to other non disabled people. But one of the things we say on this podcast is like, when we, as disabled people are aiming to inspire, it's for other disabled people. It's for people who are either coming to terms with a diagnosis or an injury or learning something. And I think that, just the way your group has found each other and created that feeling of acceptance and understanding. I hope that there are some young people out there who are feeling, like, kind of lost in whatever their situation is that can kind of replicate what you all have done and create that amazing group.

Richard Jacobs: To be honest with you, the feedback that that we got from the film has been kinda overwhelmed because there's been a lot of people that have reached out to tell us, you know, kind of the same thing what you're saying right now. Like, you know, thank you for being able to put your story out there, for being vulnerable enough to put the story out there in the first place and to, you know, just try to represent us all on the screen or just to get us out there to get the story to be even told because a lot of people are not in tune with what's going on in the community.

Lily Newton: Yeah. And it's an especially important film, because so much of so much representation we see of disability is white people in general and having this group of black men together and, black men and women exploring, like, masculinity and gaming and, disability. It's something that you don't really see on c on screen very often. And, you know, you brought that fragility and, like, the being seen as fragile. I think that in, this film, you see, like, what strength you all have found within each other and yourselves. And I I think that anyone who would watch this film, I I would assume, would not see you all as fragile once they've seen the film because you're certainly not fragile at all.

Richard Jacobs: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Lily Newton: So I'm curious. I don't know very much about Erin is the gamer on this call. I'll be full disclosure. Erin has taught me everything I know about gaming, which is very little.

Richard Jacobs: Oh, that's dope. That's dope. Oh, what you went to what you went to, Erin?

Erin Hawley: I left Overwatch.

Richard Jacobs: Overwatch. Okay.

Erin Hawley: And Fortnite. Fortnite. And I I will literally play anything and enjoy it. I don't do anything.

Richard Jacobs: Because it sounds like I know Overwatch is a first person shooter. Right?

Erin Hawley: Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: Those are your your first pick, 1st person shooters? Yeah. Call of duty, stuff like that?

Erin Hawley: I'm not into Call of Duty, but I've tried it. I'm not very good at it. Valorant? I like it. Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: Play Valorant too?

Erin Hawley: I I have. Yes. Okay. Not good at it.

Richard Jacobs: Well, it's alright because I'm not a a big first person shooter myself. I'm more I'm more into and I don't don't fault me, please, because the whole gaming community probably gonna get on my head right now about what I'm about to say. I'm not I don't know. You know how the games have certain labels like, role playing and MMOA and all these other different letters? So I don't know the labels of the games, but I'm into, like, story mode games. Like, stuff like Metal Gear Solid, Resident Evil, like, everything that's mission based.

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: And, you know, something that have a story line to it.

Erin Hawley: I love that too.

Richard Jacobs: Just to run around and shoot in all day long, and I don't I don't know. I need I need something with some puzzles in it, something that's gonna make me use my brain to get to the next level.

Erin Hawley: Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I love,

Richard Jacobs: No offense to all the gun people out there. Okay. Oh, no offense to all the y'all out there. Please don't wow out on me.

Erin Hawley: Like, I love a good story in a game. Yeah. A Tomb Raider

Richard Jacobs: That was one of my favorites. That was literally one of my favorites. Tomb Raider.

Erin Hawley: I love it.

Richard Jacobs: And then when they came out with a Drake Uncharted

Erin Hawley: Yes.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. That was that was crazy. Right now, currently, I'm playing Aksu revolve.

Erin Hawley: Oh, I've heard of that.

Richard Jacobs: I love that game. I'm I'm addicted to it now. I it literally it literally took me from every other game that I was playing.

Erin Hawley: Like,

Richard Jacobs: literally. Only reason I'm starting to play Rocket League back again is because I got a tournament coming up. So I I have no choice. I gotta Uh-huh.

Erin Hawley: Uh-huh. Because this is on that tournament.

Richard Jacobs: Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. The squad guard's gonna be representing the the tournament coming up December 13th. It's between 13th to 15th. So I believe tournament night is might be the 14th. I believe game night community game night is 13th.

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: And then 14th is tournament night. That's for the Logitech, AGT.

Erin Hawley: Yes.

Richard Jacobs: AGT. Excuse me. AGT. I said AGT. It's not America's Got Talent.

Erin Hawley: I, speaking of tournaments, Easterseals is having a tournament. December 12th.

Richard Jacobs: Definitely.

Erin Hawley: Fortnight. It'll be lots of fun. All the beginners have a disability. And Richard, I hear that you're gonna try out for that.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're trying to blow it up.

Erin Hawley: You're trying to blow it up.

Richard Jacobs: That was supposed to be a sneaky little thing. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm definitely gonna try to get my hands into that and see what that's all about.

Erin Hawley: Yes. I don't know when this episode is coming out, but hopefully before then. So tune in. Twitch.tg/gameforaccess. And the floor is a floor.

Lily Newton: If the episode's not out, we'll just, like, make a clip of that little moment Yeah. And share it. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Of our amazing running around.

Richard Jacobs: Hold on.

Lily Newton: What a fun. And truly, like, knowing nothing about gaming, the what we've done with ES gaming and tournaments has, like, completely changed what I thought about gaming because I always kind of thought of gaming as, like, a very individual alone kind of thing. And I've seen in these tournaments, like, no. It's it's a community, and it's a blast. Like, it's super fun Yeah. Even when I don't know what's going on in the game.

Richard Jacobs: I can't wait. I can't wait, man. Oh, man. I downloaded Fortnite just recently updated too. So Mhmm. They had a a big long update, but I downloaded it. So I'm ready. I'm ready to go.

Richard Jacobs: You said the 12th. Right?

Erin Hawley: Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah.

Lily Newton: You're gonna you're gonna have a few days of playing in a row, which should be fun.

Erin Hawley: I have to now that we're talking about it right after this, I'm a have to begin on there.

Lily Newton: Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: That's crazy. Back to back. Oh my god.

Lily Newton: Back to back. It's gonna be great. You're gonna be great. Life of a streamer.

Back to back tournaments. Okay. So speaking of like life of a streamer, if I didn't have Aaron and ES gaming, I don't think I would understand streaming at all. So for any of our listeners who are as unfamiliar with gaming as I used to be, what does it mean to, like, be a streamer as a career? And what kind of stuff do you do? Like, what is it what do these tournaments entail?

Richard Jacobs: To me, to to be a streamer for a career was actually that's that's actually like a a dream come true for me because I always been a gamer since I was, like, 5, 6 years old. I always been into video games. Regular Nintendo, probably aging myself right now, but it's okay. Regular Nintendo, I mean, Genesis, when it was first out, Sega, all of that stuff stuff like that, Sonic the Hedgehog, Duck Hunt, believe it or not. So being that I'm I've always been had, like, a a deep love of games like that. I always wanted to just I always wish that I could just get paid to play games and just all day just play games and just find like, I that would've been my dream. So for all these years later, for the opportunity to come back around full circle to where I still get to do something that I I really, really love to do and at the same time, be able to, maintain and take care of my family at the same time is is a blessing.

Erin Hawley: That is really, like, amazing because I think we're around the same age because I grew up with, like, Atari.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. See?

Erin Hawley: I know.

Richard Jacobs: You know about that.

Erin Hawley: Yeah. So, like, the way gaming has changed so much even in the last, like, 10 years. It's it's it's wild for anything to

Richard Jacobs: It's almost unreal how much it changed. Like, to go all the way back from what we're talking about, like Super Mario 1, Like, the blue 2 d 8 bit guy running around. So now you could get so deep into the experience. You could become so immersed in the game and experience. Like, you can now you got open world games just like the game I was just talking about. Oxabyte evolved. Like, that is, like, a 1000 times higher than Yoshi. You know what? You understand what I'm saying? So they came a really long way.

Some of the graphics now is almost unbelievable.

Erin Hawley: So speaking of gaming, do you use any adaptive devices to play?

Richard Jacobs: So the control that I use right now is called the Astro C40. I'm about to grab it. Hold on one second. It's right here. It's called the Astro C40, and it's basically like and it's it's almost like something like what you would call a scuff control with the little paddles on the back.

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: So because of the fact that I don't have 100% use of my hands, this control is good for me because it's a little heavier. Well, actually, it's a lot heavier than a normal PlayStation control. So you see?

Erin Hawley: Oh, nice.

Richard Jacobs: So it looks it's similar to, like, you know, a PlayStation control. You see that little paddles on the back?

Erin Hawley: Right.

Richard Jacobs: So, basically, the joystick is customizable to where you can remove this little green plate on it. And you see the joysticks, the the little joysticks here? You could mix and move them around with the analog stick. So if I wanted to have both joysticks down here, they would both be down here. I could put the the d pad on this side if I wanted to be on that side. However, I could do it to make my hands feel comfortable playing with it. It will work that way. And then it's heavier, like I was saying, than the other controller. So it helps my hands, you know, notice that I'm actually holding something because otherwise, with the regular controls, I'd be slipping and dropping it in.

It got a lot more grip on the back, with the little paddles on the back of the controls like I was saying, my fingers, I don't have the strength to to press the top buttons up here.

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: So it's easier if these little two buttons down here could be pressed with these fingers for me. So it's different ways depending on what game I'm playing that, you know, I would go about using the controller. But right about now excuse me. Right about now, that's that's the main controller that I'm using right now. I was at one point using the Microsoft adaptable controller.

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: It's almost like a regular Nintendo controller, but super duper big. So Right. And it come with all of that extra peripheral buttons you could plug into it. So I was using that for a moment, and the type of person I am is I I like to push myself and push myself. So even though I couldn't control it, I couldn't use the controller and I couldn't hold it properly, like, I just I wouldn't give I wouldn't give up at all. I just kept on pushing that and kept pushing that. Even to this day, when I'm playing with it, my finger strength, like I said, is is came back a little a little bit, but, you know, not much to where it was. So whenever I play the game, most of the time, I'm still only using, like, these four fingers, my 2 thumbs, and my 2 pointers.

Mhmm. The rest of them, I can't really, you know, physically control on my own like that. So I still find little ways to, you know, finagle and use the controller when, need to get it to do something.

Erin Hawley: Nice. Yeah. I think a lot of people who are not familiar with gaming and disability might not understand that, like, one controller can work through me, but not through you. Everyone has different needs, and I think it's important, especially for developers, to understand that because the best accessibility is being able to fit different people, not a one size fits all.

Lily Newton: Yeah. Because one size will never fit all. Let's just

Richard Jacobs: You never lie about that. You're exactly right.

Lily Newton: Erin, can you walk us through what type of adaptive controller you use?

Erin Hawley: I don't really use one.

Lily Newton: Cool.

Erin Hawley: I play on keyboard and mouse. I have, like, a little Apple keyboard, because smaller is better for me. And then I game on the Nintendo Switch, and those controllers are really tiny, so it's easier for me. I had used the Xbox Adaptive controller, and I like it. But I mostly game on PC, so I just use cheaper than ours.

Richard Jacobs: Okay. Okay. So when you was talking about the Nintendo Switch games, you was talking about the Joy Cons. Right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. See, now you that's it's crazy that she even brought that up because it's a perfect example of what we were just talking about, how one size don't fit all.

Richard Jacobs: Right?

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: I can't use those controls to save my life. Yeah. They are too small for me. I can't even I would be sitting there fumbling around with it. I can't use it at all. The only way I was able to try to get into my daughter's games when she was playing a Nintendo Switch, I had to actually buy you know, the they got the little black thing. It's like a a a piece that you could take the 2 Joy Cons and slide onto it

Erin Hawley: Mhmm.

Richard Jacobs: And make it, like, the the actual size of a real controller. So I I had to go buy that because it's a little bigger. That way, I could try to get into the game, but it's still a little bit too small because it was still so slippery and sleek. It's sliding all over the place, but that is just a perfect example of what we was just saying where, you know, one size will never fit all.

Erin Hawley: Exactly. I know the Switch 2 is coming out soon. Switch 2? Hear people saying to make the Joy Cons bigger, And I'm like, no. Please, don't.

Richard Jacobs: my favorite. But you say you do most of your gaming on the PC now?

Erin Hawley: Yeah. But if I'm if I'm laying in bed, which I do a lot.

Richard Jacobs: And that's another thing. Look. She over me again. I I can't I got the my PC with with the keyboard and the mouse, they basically just here for me to to to click to turn the thing on and put the password in. After that, I can't I can't play a game with this keyboard and mouse to save my life unless I just gotta point that stuff with the mouse and everything else is just happening on his own, which is a 100%.

So I can't I can't do nothing with that keyboard and mouse. If it's not with this controller or hopefully you know? Because to be honest with you, since I've been out the nursing home, this is the only thing that I've actually, like, got consistently good at playing with. I I never really tried to use another controller. So even sometimes, I'll be getting I get scared sometimes, to be honest with you. I literally get scared if I drop this controller because I know that this controller is not like, when last time when I spoke to somebody about replacing it, they was telling me that it's getting harder and harder to do because they stopped making it. So if I break this and if when it gets to a point where I can't find a replacement, I'm I'm I'm gonna have to go through a little hardship until I could find another thing that I'm comfortable with.

Erin Hawley: Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: So, yeah, somebody, PlayStation, Xbox, one of y'all need to come out with something quick. Preferably bigger and heavier.

Erin Hawley: Have you tried the new PlayStation adapter controller? PlayStation has a new

Richard Jacobs: You're talking about, the circle one. Right? Yeah. Okay. So, unfortunately, my bad Sony for not knowing the name of the the controller. I know I'm probably gonna get in trouble for that. I know they got the new joystick that's round. It got one one little analog on it or whatever. Yeah.

And it got all the peripheral buttons that go around it. So Yeah. I don't have a PlayStation 5.

Erin Hawley: Okay.

Richard Jacobs: That's the only reason why I haven't tried it like that. I tried it maybe, I would say, about 2 or 3 times, but I don't think that was enough for me to try to get myself accustomed to it. Like, the 2 or 3 times that I did try it, it was a lot of other people around, so I didn't really get the the chance to soak it in.

Erin Hawley: Yeah. I, I helped Sony playtest it, and it is good. But it does take a minute to, like, figure it out because there's a lot of, like, back end stuff you have to do.

Richard Jacobs: I know you could also copilot it. Right? You could copilot it with another one. Mhmm. So we we was working at some peep well, we are still working with them. We're working with some people down at the hospital to try to help them, you know, get certain things that they need to help them get into gaming and try to help them basically get into or get accustomed to whatever controls they might need to help them get by. Like, a lot of people use the Quadstick. So, you know, for people that don't know what that is, a Quadstick is a controller that people that are paralyzed from the neck down use with their mouth. So I got, 2 of my teammates actually, 3, use that at the moment.

My teammate named Whiplash, we got Sitting Pretty, and we got Andy, which is Sergio, Nahri, and Andy. Andy is a carol Slace. So all 3 of those 3 of my teammates, they all use the Quadstick. So they use Quadstick. We got teammates that use the Microsoft adaptable controls. You see the control that I just told you about right here? One of my teammate, Princess, he used the Xbox control right now. I think he used just a standard Xbox controller. Princess AKA Mongo Sleigh.

And I just wanted to make sure I get everybody because if this episode will come out and somebody gonna be like, oh, you ain't say my name right? I guess, I got everybody. I got everybody.

Lily Newton: You got everybody and the gamer tags.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Right?

Lily Newton: Which great segue. How did you come up with your gamer tag breadwinner 1007?

Richard Jacobs: That's that's crazy. My gamertag actually came about because it was more of a way of life for me. It didn't really necessarily have nothing to do with the game. My gamertag came about because of circumstances that I've been doing my own personal life. So, being young and being a young kid when my mother passed away when I was 13. So I was young when my mother passed away, and my father passed away 3 years later. So I was only 16 when both of them was gone. So it kinda forced me to become, like, the main the the head of my household as far as the male.

I was the oldest male in my family. I'm I'm the oldest of 3 boys. I got 5 It was 5 of us altogether. Excuse me. I got 2 older sisters and 2 younger brothers. So me being the oldest male at the time when my mother and father was gone, I just felt like it was my responsibility to try to step up and help out the household. So, you know, there's a saying for people that, the head of the head of the household that, you know, taking care of the household. They are the breadwinner.

So I used to always say that when I was younger. They used to ask me, like, you know, what you gonna call yourself in the game? And I would say, well, I'm the breadwinner. I bring home the bacon. So I said that enough to where it kinda stuck to me, and people started calling me breadwinner. So in the beginning, it was breadwinner 27. But I changed it because I tried to get it once I changed my PlayStation, I forgot the password, and I I had to create a whole new account. So it became brand101007. That's what the name breadwinner came from, though.

Lily Newton: Oh, thank you for sharing that with us. I'm so sorry for your losses.

Richard Jacobs: Oh, thank you, man.

Lily Newton: What a what an intense thing to have to take on as a 16 year old. And but also, it's so interesting how you said earlier, you know, your gaming as a profession is like a dream come true.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah.

Lily Newton: You you kind of manifested that from a young age like that, that you were gonna it's it's very cool to hear that as your story and then see that you're like here. And, you know, those two losses were not the last hardship you would face. And yet you still are have a career that is, in your own words, a dream.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Definitely. I'm I'm blessed. I'm blessed that I'm I'm I got enough wisdom to see so. So I'm thankful. I'm more than thankful.

Lily Newton: And I mean that that gratitude always shows through. And I think it shows in your in the film a lot because you are listeners when you watch. You'll see, Richard, you are dedicated, and you're not here to and I I really appreciate it in the film how you you acknowledge the role that the quad gods play in, like, representation and meaning something for the disability community. But at the same time, it's not enough for you to just be like, oh, I'm just okay with just being here because we're representing, so I wanna be good, and I wanna win.

Richard Jacobs: That's right. That's right. Listen, man. Nobody joins the team to lose, man. None of us. Nobody likes being a loser. Nobody joins the team to lose. I could guarantee that.

Richard Jacobs: None of the listeners out there right now, I guarantee not near one of them said, you know what? I'm a go be on that team because we gonna lose. No. Ain't no way. Ain't no way. So come on, y'all. Let's all live in reality right now.

Lily Newton: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I I brought up, like, how important the displays of, like, healthy masculinity are in the film. And I think that that's a really great one. There's a moment in the film where you do lose and you're upset about it. And there's, like, I can't remember exactly the wording you use, but it's like, hey. I'm I'm competitive and I'm here to win, so a loss is always gonna be hard.

Erin Hawley: Yeah.

Lily Newton: But I'm not like you're basically saying I'm not actually angry or, like, losing. I'm not I'm not, like, giving up on anything. I'm just letting myself feel Yeah. What this feels like. And I think that that's, really gorgeous to get to see on screen, you, like, being like, no. This is how I'm feeling right now. I'm just gonna let myself feel it.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to of course, nobody could win everything. Nobody's gonna win it win it all. But when you lose, it's not about the fact that you lost. It's about the fact it's it's about how you could come back from that loss. It's about, you know, how you handle that loss.

Richard Jacobs: You can't take the loss and just bow out. Like, we all got ups and downs. We live through ups and downs, not just in tournaments and games, but in real life. So if you take the same mentality from the tournament to where, you know, alright. I refuse to back down. Yeah. I might have lost this time, but next time, they're gonna know my name. You take that same mentality and you live real life with it.

You know? You might go through a loss in life. You might lose your job. You might it's it's certain things you could lose that are devastating to you, but you can't let that put you in a space where you can't find yourself coming back from it, where you stay deep down in this dark space where you you you don't allow yourself to become productive anymore. You just you just stay down there and nah. You can't you can't allow that to happen. You can't allow that to happen. You always gotta realize that there's much more to live for. There's much more to go on for.

That's not the end of it all. You can come back much bigger, better, and stronger than you was before.

Erin Hawley: Totally. I love how you connect that mentality to gaming because that really gaming has also done that for me. It's it is an escape from, like, everyday life, but it isn't everything. And playing games is great for mental mental health and also great for building character and building strength. So I love that. Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: No. You're definitely right about that. You're definitely right about that. Because like I said, you either be you could be somebody that's just a sore loser, and you just gonna give up, and you rage out and kick kick a hole through your piece of beef. You know? Throw a splash water on your keyboard and go crazy. But then at the end of that all, like, you still lost. You still ain't accomplished after it. You you hurt yourself more in the end now because now you gotta replace everything.

Richard Jacobs: And you you understand what I'm saying? Or you could just stand up for a second, dust it off, go get a little drink of water or whatever, come back, and show yourself that it ain't over.

Lily Newton: And it's it's so cool, though, the way that you, like you don't just ignore it, though, that you don't like to lose. I love that you let yourself have the, like, no, I'm frustrated right now. Like, you let yourself out of those moments because I think that, sometimes the, like, brush it off mentality can make it feel like you're not allowed to be sad. And I love that you you in this film really illustrate that, like, you can let yourself get these highs and lows

Richard Jacobs: Yeah.

Lily Newton: But still take care of yourself and, like, show up every day at an even space.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, and like you you'll see for the listeners that did haven't watched it yet, if when they get a chance to see it, you're gonna, yeah, you're gonna see I definitely am a competitive person. Like and it's not easy for me to hide my feelings at all. Like, I I work on myself every day. I'm not perfect. You know, a lot of things that I've been through in life, I got anger issues when it comes to certain things. So I work on myself every day at the same time.

So when we out there helping people, I take that and I'm it's also like I'm looking at a mirror. I'm trying to help myself at the same time. So, yeah, I do get competitive in my spirit. I I gotta be able to just let it go when it happened because if you hold on to it, things could go bad the other way. Like, I I learned in life that, you know, everybody is like you know, I like how to use the analogy. We all like a gallon of water. And at some moment, if you just keep holding everything in, it will overflow. Like, if you just sit a gallon under a open faucet and just let the water run, run, run, at some moment, that bottle is gonna start overflowing unless you pour out some of that water that's inside.

So I guess that's me in in a way letting some of that water out. Like, when when that when I have these emotions, I have to be able to just let them play themselves out and just after that, you know, be able to, like you said, put myself back on balance. Not to be able to sort of let it carry me so far away that it's just enraging me. But at the same time, let it, you know, like, the steam off, and then I could just take a little break and get back down to earth. I know that at the end of the day, it's not all about winning. And in the movie, you know, yeah, I am competitive because that's just a part of and it's also a part of what we was talking about earlier when I said that one of the biggest things that people get wrong about me is being fragile. So a lot of the times and that's kinda why we started the team in the first place too, is because being in certain positions, people feel that you might not be strong enough or capable to do certain things. Right? So I don't I'm not cool with people thinking that I'm I'm not capable.

You understand what I'm saying? Like, I'm more than capable of doing anything that you could do. Anything. And I could guarantee that. So when you look at me as if I'm not, I take offense to that, and I could easily prove you wrong. So that's just like you know, that's that's just how I see things. I I just don't want no peep nobody to look at me that way. No. Just look at me as if you look at anybody else, and we'll all be, you know, just fine with that.

Erin Hawley: That is, like, one of my biggest pet peeves not pet peeve. My biggest, like, frustration is people who think I'm not capable of literally anything, and I just like to prove people wrong. It's my mission in life just to do that. Because, yeah, like, just because I sit in a chair every day doesn't mean I can't go to school, I can't work, I can't play games. It's just, like, it really annoys me a lot.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could definitely believe me, I could definitely understand exactly, you know, exactly how you feel as far as people with this whole not being capable to do certain things. But the same time and no. Not even to say the word, but the way I the way I take that that energy when I feel it, I'd use it to fire me up to be able to prove them wrong. So things that people could do, like, for instance, I know that I'm not gonna be able to jump and dunk the ball right now, but I could shoot a 3, which is worth more than you dunking. Mhmm. You know what I'm saying? True. Your mind is the smartest I mean, your mind is the strongest muscle that you have on your body. Right? Like they say, it's always brains before burn. Mhmm.

So you could do things that, you know, you wanna do. You just gotta figure a different way to do it. That's all.

Erin Hawley: Yeah. And sometimes

Richard Jacobs: As long as you have the will to do it, there's a way for you to do it.

Erin Hawley: Right. And sometimes the way the applications is better

Richard Jacobs: than the way

Erin Hawley: the working people.

Richard Jacobs: Exactly. Like like they say. Right? Work smart and not hard.

Erin Hawley: Yep. So Yeah.

Richard Jacobs: Sometimes we come up with ideas that's a lot smarter and is a lot less work, a lot less labor.

Lily Newton: Yeah. Disabled people are like, you know, we obviously are not a monolith and could not be grouped by any one adjective, but I will say we're pretty damn innovative. That's that's a through line I see.

Richard Jacobs: Like I said

Lily Newton: We'll we'll figure it out.

Richard Jacobs: That's right.

Erin Hawley: When you

Richard Jacobs: need when you need something done, you you gotta get it done, man. You can't just bow out and be like, oh, I I guess I won't be able to do this. No. No. I ain't none of that. Now we ain't having that.

Lily Newton: Well, we have just a few minutes left. I just wanna you know, this is we brought up Easterseals obviously with ES gaming and, just wanna kind of transition into talking a little bit about, one of the Easterseals pillars, which is community, and how important community is. Erin, I know you have a question you prepared on this, but I love that question. So I wanna make sure we get to it before our time runs out.

Erin Hawley: Yeah. Sure. K. So I loved seeing the friendships on the Haw Dogs movie. The way you all talked about your injuries, your your like, helping each other emotionally, dating, all these things, like, these life events that you all really connect to each other and help each other out. So my question is, why is community so important for people with disabilities? And how can we use gaming to build up those communities?

Richard Jacobs: That's actually a really good question too. So community is extremely important to people in the dis disabled community because isolation could be one of the most deadliest things in the community. So isolation is is actually like I said, to use the word is is deadly. Like, when you find yourself trapped to where you feel like you're all alone and and you're depressed and there's nobody that understands you and you just you stay in the way. You're trying to stay away from everybody because you feel like you're a burden, and you don't wanna be, you know, too much of a problem to people. It it could cause you to just get into this downward spiral to where, you know, it would be hard for you to ever come out of it. Like, mental mental health is extremely important. So community have a lot to do with you maintain maintaining that.

You always need to have somebody around you to keep a positive thought in your ear, to keep you thinking positive thoughts, to keep you understanding that you okay. You might not be a 100% physically like how you was before, but there's always somebody that could be in a worse position that you are in right now. I learned that from when I was younger that, you know, when you're suffering yeah. You may be suffering, but believe me, there's people that are in worse positions that would love to trade and take your place. So you need to be thankful for being alive, period. So those thoughts like that helped to carry me on. And community, like I said, is one of the most important things to help you stay away from being in a depressed state of mind or, you know, keeping yourself from wanting to you know, even just do something that you shouldn't be as far as you some people, you know, they might get so depressed that they might wanna harm themself or you never know. So community is major, you know, when it comes to the disabled community.

You know? Like, to be able to have somebody to feel like you could just talk to you could just go into a room and not feel stigmatized and everybody looking at you like like, oh, why he came or why she came or, you know, you like, for instance, when you're getting on the bus and you got everybody on the bus looking at you, like, you holding up they day. Like, the all those things you go through, like, people have to if you got somebody going through that type of stuff all day, and then they're going back home to just be by themselves and they don't have nobody to share these hardships with that they go through, that's no good for nobody, not even able-bodied people. So, you know, community is is a big, big thing. It's a big thing.

Erin Hawley: And with the Internet, having a community is so much easier. Like, you even see that saw that especially during the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. The Internet really connects people.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. What you were saying with the gaming, that that's another thing. Like, the game inside of when it's just you could actually build a community like we like we was talking about. Right? But now you could take this and build a community of people all around the world. Like, you could literally get on the game and and become friends with somebody that's all the way in, you know, Kansas or all the way in Switzerland or all the way in Europe or all the way in the UK or you know? You know? You understand what I'm saying? Like, it's it's it's crazy because now you could get close with somebody, and you could be game I I I could game with somebody and be game with them for 3, 4, 5 years. And now that person is literally almost like like we each we each other therapists. Like, we confide in each other.

We talk about our hardships to each other. We are there for each other. With the Discord community, you can actually build a whole group, 100, if not, thousands of people that y'all all are dealing with the same type of situation, and everybody could become helpful to each other. And then it might even expand to you know, if people are living in the same neighborhood, then they could literally physically help each other out if they need it. So things like this are very important. It's very important because now it's tying people together that almost physically had no other chance to do so.

Erin Hawley: Absolutely. Well, I really appreciate having you here. It was amazing conversation. I'm so happy that that you got to meet and chat about David. So thank you for joining us.

Richard Jacobs: I can't even lie to you. I'm extremely excited to be here. And I we gonna have to do this again. Maybe. I don't know. We can we can set something else up. I'm here for it. I'm here for it.

Richard Jacobs: Definitely.

Lily Newton: It's everything you just said about community. Like, this podcast has become such a space for that in terms of like, these almost start to feel like little therapy sessions for me. You know? Like, I I, I, you you know, you bring up, like, the spirals that depression can put you into. And I I struggled with my mental health for so, so long, tried a 1000000 different therapies and medications and all these things, and nothing in my life has made more of a change than honestly this podcast and my friendship with Erin. Like, having someone and having someone I can be like, oh, I just went through this, and I know that she's gonna reply and be like, oh, that's the worst. Yeah. Or or like classic. And and then this podcast having these moments where it's like, man, we we're talking for an hour, but because we have this, like, the larger community of the disability community, we can get so real with one another.

Lily Newton: And just I I think that it's been it's just so incredible. I love community. I'm glad you bring up Discord, shameless plug for our ES gaming Discord. Erin Erin's building some gorgeous community over there.

Richard Jacobs: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Glad to get into that. What is it? What is it?

Erin Hawley: What was that?

Richard Jacobs: Discord. Say what it is.

Erin Hawley: It's ES gaming.

Richard Jacobs: Okay.

Erin Hawley: I'll send you the link. 

Richard Jacobs: Okay. Okay. Definitely.

Lily Newton: Oh, we'll get Richard in there. It's gonna get even better in the ES gaming Discord.

Richard Jacobs: Before we go, right, before we go, just just when you were just saying about, you know, community and how this is starting to feel like a little, you know, like, therapist session for you and stuff like that. I feel the same way, first of all. 2nd, is that, plenty of times, that's how I feel when it comes to the stream and the livestream and then how I feel with the community and the family that we set up over there. So it's plenty of times that I literally would shed a tear live on stream. Like, that's how how deep the bond is between me and my family that we have on the stream because I don't use the word followers for them because there's nobody that I hang around or that I'd be around or that I even associate myself with that are followers. I was never taught to be a follower, and I'm not gonna start embracing the fact of being a follower now. When I was young, I was always taught to be a leader. So everybody that's with me, everybody that's around me, everybody that I associate myself with, we are all leaders.

And for everybody that might be listening today, everybody that's listening right now, I want you to remember that. You are not a follower. You are a leader. We are all leaders, and that's why we are all here together now. 

Lily Newton: Yeah. We're getting a little choked up, Richard. This is an amazing episode. Thank you so so much for being here.

Erin Hawley: If you like what you heard, go ahead and subscribe and leave us a review wherever you get your podcasts.