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Finding Love with Autism: Abraham’s Side of the Love Story

A husband’s take on the triumphs and challenges of marriage with Autism

Anita and Abraham

Anita and Abraham were married in September 2015 at an All-Autism wedding, which you can watch now. Together, they are inspiring many people with autism and encouraging them to know that love and relationships are possible. Featured here is Abraham's side of their love story. Also be sure to check out Anita's "She Said" take on their story.

1. How did you know you were in love?

I assembled a bunny hutch for Anita’s new bunny.  When we brought it to her house, we both lifted it off the truck together.  I remember it was a lovely evening, with a full moon. I very badly wanted to hug her, so I got up enough courage, and slowly put my arms around her.  I was worried she would reject my attempt to do that.  With great relief, she responded by putting her arms around me.  I was overwhelmed by the feeling of peace, comfort, and security.  It was nothing I’d ever experienced before.  A flame was ignited within me.  I felt like I was brought to life.  I never wanted to let her go. From then on, she was in my heart, mind and soul.  I knew I was in love.

2. What kind of challenges, and benefits, did autism pose as you got to know each other and falling in love?

Our biggest challenge was getting to see each other!  I’ll let Anita explain that!

3. What is your favorite quality of your spouse?

My favorite quality about Anita is that she accepts me.  I’ve spent a lifetime being rejected. It felt incredible to be accepted by her!

4. What is the hardest part of being married, and how do you handle it?
Anita and Abraham

Our biggest challenge is staying healthy!  We have to get up at 3:30 am each day for work. We always need to keep track of our sleep hours, to get at least 6-7 hours sleep each night. And we have to eat healthy also.  Anita and I shop for groceries for the entire week, then spend most of Sunday cooking up food to be ready for weekdays.  It’s a challenge, and we must plan it all out on a clipboard.  We actually do menu planning!   No frozen dinners, no fast food.  Only organic, made-from-scratch meals! 

5. What’s your advice to parents of children with autism who are concerned that their child will not be able to find love and get married?

Yes, it is difficult for us to find love, but it’s not impossible.  Help get your child to gain their independence, and develop their social skills.  Also, it’s not uncommon for autistic people to have unconventional relationships.  That shouldn’t matter.  As long as the individual with whom your child falls in love with is a good, honest, safe person, other issues should not matter.  What DOES matter is that your child is happy, and is with someone who loves them back and will respect them, and take care of them, and accepts them for who they are.  That’s the greatest gift a parent can get. 

6. Why did you have an All-Autism wedding?

Anita and I wanted to have an All-Autistic wedding to let the world see that autistic people have the same desire for love and marriage as everyone else.  The conference organizer called them our “I Do crew!”    It was great having the entire wedding party autistic, as we all know how it feels to live with autism, and we share that special bond.  I would certainly recommend it to other autistic couples getting married.  

Read more about tips for diving into the dating scene

Check out the do's and don'ts of online dating when you have a disability

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